ASS Gurus Party Down

Who better to take on this topic than our own party animal Guru Laura? No one, I say! Read on to see how you can party on in style at this year's SS.

As you no doubt know by now, Danny, Katy and I are attending Sewing Summit. And as the official Sewing Summit has all the 'essential' information covered on their site, we are offering our services as the Alternate Sewing Summit Gurus.

Basically, if you want to know how to get around Salt Lake City, go to the official Sewing Summit Site.

If you want to know more important information, like how to turn a refrigerator box into a suitcase, or how to turn a jellyroll into a water-soluble skirt so you can get more fabric home, visit us.

I'm taking today's topic, which is Partying at Sewing Summit. I'm going to split it into sections for you.

1) Prepare to party
You want to make the most of your Sewing Summit experience, but you aren't 85 so crocheting until late (7:30pm) and then going to bed isn't for you. "But this is SEWING Summit", I hear you cry. "We're here to sew". Trust me, there is going to be plenty of sewing. But who says partying and sewing can't be combined? Who thinks a cup of tea and a pile of English Paper Pieces is as rocking as you can get? You underestimate yourself. It's time to go improv and funky and glam up the image of sewing out in the wider community. If the people won't come to us, we need to go to the people. I'm calling is Sewvangelism.

First up, cocktail dresses. OF COURSE you can sew your own. See this little baby.

When you strike up a conversation with someone in a bar, you can say "this old thing? Oh I just knocked it up on my Bernina/Brother/Husquvana last weekend". Instant impression.

The only criticism I have to make is her tats. Really, if she was dedicated to the cause, they'd look like this.

Or if you want to be more subtle, this.

So make sure you get yourself a tatt (real or temporary) before Sewing Summit. These are a sure-fire way to start up a conversation in a bar or club

If you're a bit of a wuss, you could just go with nail transfers like this (from KateBroughton.co.uk):

2. The night before (or Picking up at Sewing Summit)
Let's face it, unless you're into women, your chances of picking up at Sewing Summit are minimal. Men who are into sewing are generally very happily partnered up. Many SS participants are too, but as Danny said, "When the cat's away, the cat will play". And anyway, remember it's your duty to collect new sewing recruits - at ANY cost. (Just remember to keep birth control in a different container to your pins, needles and scissors. I'm not encouraging irresponsible behaviour - unlike my mother who is so keen for grandchildren she suggests a totally different approach).  Essentially, you need to get away from Sewing Summit in order to do pick up (new recruits). Hence the cocktail dress and tatt pre-preparation.

If your dress and tats aren't noticed, you need to work sewing into conversation in a sexy way. Your first step is to order sewing related drinks in the bar. "Can I please have a Sewjito?" may cause puzzlement. You can then explain, "It's a mojito with a quarter inch of rum and a quarter inch slice of lime. It's the sewer's drink of choice. I like to follow it with a shot of triple sec. That's the length of time it takes me to start fondling fabric in a craft store". By the time you've downed six of these, (good idea to alternate with cranberry and lime - "this season's colours of choice" - to keep your hydration levels up), you'll be ready to pull out lines like "I've always wanted a man with a long arm" and "Wow, what big muscles you have. I bet you could bench press three Bernina 830s no problem". If the Sewjitos get too much for you, whip out a scrunchy you've made from Denise Schmidt's latest line to hold your hair out of the way as you yak in the carpark. If anything is going to impress, that will.

3. The morning after... 
You want to make the most out of Sewing Summit, so a helluva hangover combined with tutor Katy of Imagingermonkey's wardrobe colours and tats and a swag of Kokka fat quarters may cause nausea, so how do you get over it? We've already covered the issue of American "coffee" so relying on that in the morning to get you through the classes the next day is possibly not the answer.

Sugar is.

Order a sewing-themed cake before Sewing Summit is a good idea. You can look all sewing-patriotic and get the sugar you need to keep buzzing through the day after the night before.

A pair of dark glasses is also recommended, even if you went to bed at 7:30 with your knitting. That way you can LOOK hung-over and impress people with your cool, hip image ("oh I just found this little funk club and had a few Sewjitos - it was WILD") while maintaining your spark, staying awake and making the most of what Sewing Summit has to offer.

That's most likely what I'll be doing...

Remember, if you have a question for the ASS gurus, leave a comment.