ASS Gurus Discuss the Pub Crawl

The lovely Guru Laura is taking over today to discuss pub crawls and lumpy hind ends. This is worth a read!

As the time is drawing near, I felt the Alternative Sewing Summit gurus should be offering some insights on site-seeing in and around Salt Lake City. As I've never been there before, I am the perfect ASS guru to offer you some unbiased opinions. So I have searched the magical inter web and gleaned the following information to supplement your sewing and Salt Lake experience.

First of all, I want to go to Red Butte Park, which is an Arboretum. It features "11 themed botanical gardens including an Orangerie (warm) Garden".

source

Yes I like gardens. 
But I really just want a photo of Katy in a pair of red pants standing in front of that sign blocking the last E of Butte. If we fail to do it, I'll learn how to use photoshop...For a more adventurous scenic experience, Snowbird is a mountain resort which has an incredible cable car. I like cable cars. But not being a skier, and unsure of whether there even is skiing in October, what is there to do there?

When I became an Australian citizen at the age of ten, I took the national vow of beer-allegience (that's real beer, not Bud). I take my vow seriously. So I was delighted to see that Oktoberfest is on at Snowbird. What could be better than a scenic cable car trip up a mountain to down a beer as the sun sets over the Salt Lake?

Unfortunately, in Snowbird/SLC, Oktoberfest runs from August to September. Now my German isn't fluent, but I do know that Oktober does not translate as August-September. Hence it not being called AugusttoSeptemberfest. I'm disappointed enough to consider writing a strongly worded email, Subject line: Get A Clue.

So given that AugusttoSeptemberfest is a no-goer given the timeframe of Sewing Summit, next on my list is the Grimm Ghost Tour. I'm not a big believer in ghosts, but I can see the potential of going on a ghost tour with someone who perhaps IS a fan of the supernatural. Work out beforehand which of the Sewing Summit participants may be of the easily persuaded variety, talk them into going with you (pay for them if necessary), and then remark on the mysterious happenings that continue ALL weekend. "Danny, you were totally right, I didn't believe you, but now I see that this town really is haunted. All that Tula Pink OOP Nightshade you bought has just vanished into thin air."

And while, as Danny suggested last week, Salt Lake's citizen's may have been less than imaginative in naming their lake ("Hey, it's a salty lake, let's call it Salt Lake!") and their city (you get the idea), they've made up for it in naming their pubs. Maybe because of the 'non-drinking reputation' (only 35 pubs open until 2am in the morning which is still one helluva pub-crawl in my book), they've gone all out. There is something for everyone - even, I'm sure, beer-craving Australians. So here are my unofficial, never been there, public house recommendations. 

• For nature-lovers, I recommend The Thirsty Squirrel. To be honest, I couldn't find anything to recommend it, not even what I was hoping for, which was cute signage of a blotto squirrel yakking into a gutter. (But it has given me an idea for a drunk woodland creatures quilt). It's sister pub to the Stoned Crow (ok I made that up, but Aneela - remember to credit me when you do your party animal fabric line). 

• For the health-minded, there is Fat's Grill in Sugarhouse (I think they should have added 'nicotine smoke' before Grill, just to make it sound even healthier).
• For the religious, go and raise a pint at The Tavernacle "Utah's premier duelling piano bar" (I wonder what THEIR choir sounds like at 1am?). They appear to have photoshopped all their customers in (and not the most attractive ones, strangely enough) so be warned - this place could be INTERESTING.

The Tavernacle

• For general amusement, there is Lumpy's Downtown (which is how Katy looks sneaking from Danny's room with 12 Fat Quarters of Tula Pink Nightshade secreted about her person). I say it's worth checking out just in case it's Salt Lake's answer to Hooters. (I looked, but I couldn't find a pub called Danglers anywhere for the ladies. Again, if you use the idea, please credit me).
• If you are missing the 90s and grunge, you could check out The Garage on Beck St. This is a real review I found, describing it as "a roadhouse-style bar/venue with one of the city's best patios [be still my beating heart] along with ample amounts of reclaimed barn wood inside [!!!!]. The venue is located on the north edge of Salt Lake City with a backdrop of the cities oil refinery along with a junk yard next door". Good to see Aussie guys haven't got the market cornered on creating a romantic setting... 

If none of these grab you, there are a couple of pubs that are trying just a little too hard to compete - Popular Street Pub and the Epic Brewing Company - insecurity complex with your beer, anyone?


Disclaimer: having never been to any of these venues, the ASS Guru's can not be held liable for any time, good or bad, had by anyone visiting these, but feel free to buy us beer if we do. If you would prefer to read less random ramblings, send us a question and we'll attempt to answer it.