Any Phineas and Ferb fans in the house? If so, you'll know what I mean when I say my brain is lying on the floor next to Frankenstein's monster's.
I used to consider myself a fairly intelligent person. I graduated first in my class with a double major and a minor. I taught high school AP classes. I was a tutor. I took graduate classes, for Pete's sake! I was quick witted. I could hang with the most sarcastic, the most charming, the most clever of people... And then I got pregnant.
I'm sure there was a huge collective sigh of recognition from all the mothers out there reading along, and if you're a mother and you didn't sigh with recognition and understanding of my situation, you suck.
I was talking today with the mother of one of my students, relaying to her my dilemma. She completely understood my inability to finish my sentences even in conversation with her. My baby is five months old and I still can't find my words.
I drove to my husband's work when I was supposed to go to a friend's house a 30 minute drive back the way I came.
I put in an order at the deli and left without picking it up.
I routinely put on Mazer's pants without snapping her onesie first.
I wore two different color Toms out to the mall.
A passerby kindly pointed it out.
I can't make the DVD player work, which I actually KNEW how to do at one point.
I forget to turn off the straightener, so I've stopped doing my hair.
I lose important paperwork and find it months later in the bin with the dog toys.
I put the mayo in the cabinet.
I found my cell phone in Mazer's laundry bin.
Good thing because I always forget to do the laundry.
I wrapped a few gifts without taking note of who the recipient should be.
I wore a shirt backwards all day once.
I rewatched all the seasons of Psych and legitimately could not remember what happened.
I can't tell you the names of the main characters of any of the shows I watch religiously.
But I can describe them.
I have also lost all ability to recall anything in books I've read, hence the reviews.
I'm a mess.
It's embarrassing! I've lost all confidence in myself. People I used to joke with I try to avoid because I know I'm fresh out of retorts. No longer am I a smooth talking, well-rounded business professional. No. Now I am a bumbling bag of hormones who has lost the ability to properly dress myself. I really feel I owe my mom an apology for all those years I mocked her for tattered shirts and frizzy locks and hesitant speech. If I were her, I would have high-fived me in the face. Hard.
This little rant has no meaning, but thank you if you've read this far. Now I'm going to scoot off to bed and try to remember to make the bottle BEFORE waking the baby tomorrow.
If you have any related stories, please share them! I'd like to know I'm not the only one fit for the looney bin out there!