Monday, December 19, 2011

More stupider

Any Phineas and Ferb fans in the house? If so, you'll know what I mean when I say my brain is lying on the floor next to Frankenstein's monster's.

I used to consider myself a fairly intelligent person. I graduated first in my class with a double major and a minor. I taught high school AP classes. I was a tutor. I took graduate classes, for Pete's sake! I was quick witted. I could hang with the most sarcastic, the most charming, the most clever of people... And then I got pregnant.

I'm sure there was a huge collective sigh of recognition from all the mothers out there reading along, and if you're a mother and you didn't sigh with recognition and understanding of my situation, you suck.

I was talking today with the mother of one of my students, relaying to her my dilemma. She completely understood my inability to finish my sentences even in conversation with her. My baby is five months old and I still can't find my words.

I drove to my husband's work when I was supposed to go to a friend's house a 30 minute drive back the way I came.
I put in an order at the deli and left without picking it up.
I routinely put on Mazer's pants without snapping her onesie first.
I wore two different color Toms out to the mall.
A passerby kindly pointed it out.
I can't make the DVD player work, which I actually KNEW how to do at one point.
I forget to turn off the straightener, so I've stopped doing my hair.
I lose important paperwork and find it months later in the bin with the dog toys.
I put the mayo in the cabinet.
I found my cell phone in Mazer's laundry bin.
Good thing because I always forget to do the laundry.
I wrapped a few gifts without taking note of who the recipient should be.
I wore a shirt backwards all day once.
I rewatched all the seasons of Psych and legitimately could not remember what happened.
I can't tell you the names of the main characters of any of the shows I watch religiously.
But I can describe them.
I have also lost all ability to recall anything in books I've read, hence the reviews.

I'm a mess.

It's embarrassing! I've lost all confidence in myself. People I used to joke with I try to avoid because I know I'm fresh out of retorts. No longer am I a smooth talking, well-rounded business professional. No. Now I am a bumbling bag of hormones who has lost the ability to properly dress myself. I really feel I owe my mom an apology for all those years I mocked her for tattered shirts and frizzy locks and hesitant speech. If I were her, I would have high-fived me in the face. Hard.

This little rant has no meaning, but thank you if you've read this far. Now I'm going to scoot off to bed and try to remember to make the bottle BEFORE waking the baby tomorrow.

If you have any related stories, please share them! I'd like to know I'm not the only one fit for the looney bin out there!



  1. Ha doesn't seem to get better in a hurry either. My boys are 3 and 6, I have trouble remembering names & what was I supposed to get at the supermarket? I swear you loose a bit of brain everytime you have a child - the more you have the worse it gets!

  2. Grrrrreeeaaaaatttt.... So it gets WORSE.

  3. Hey, look on the bright side, I'm dyslexic and have half those issues even without kids (it involves short term memory issues), can you imagine what I'll be like if I have them?!

  4. Well, in my experience, the ability to recall words for everyday conversation has plateaued. I feel that I'm about as dumb as I was just after my little guy was born. That's why I'm trying to find ways to keep my brain active because unless I do then I can't carry on a conversation, which is incredibly annoying for me as you well know. So my advice is to keep talkin to people, keep blogging, because unless you don't use words on a daily basis, they'll find someone else to help.

  5. Yeah. I've been thinking about doing daily brain games or forcing myself a certain amount of reading time each day to keep my vocabulary up. All I've been using are my "goo-goo"s and "ga-ga"s!

  6. I sympathise and recommend coffee when small people are around wine when they aren't, the friendship of people that have been through life with babies and a part time cleaner (even if it's just for an hour a week for a few weeks) because I swear thats how other mums used to have well turned out homes while I lived in pj's for 6 months.

  7. Hi, Michele here. Don't feel bad at all. I am 54 and certain that pregnancy brings on the same mental problems as traumatic brain injury (from banging your head against the wall). I have 4 birth children, two step and two adopted children 8 total. All are grown but the adopted. My worst moment story happened in 1979. I had my third child, Stephanie. She was about 2 months old and breastfeeding. Back then we were still allowed to breastfeed in bed, which being the exhausted mom of a 2 month old, a 22 month old and a 5 year old, I did. As a child I was a sleep walker. Can you see this coming?? I dreamt that I had put Stepahine in her crib. I woke up to the sound of a baby crying and I could not find her for a moment. I followed the cry to the linen closet (it was on the way to her crib). I opened the door to find my baby lying on a stack of blankets in the bottom of the closet. I must have laid her on the towel shelf and shut the door and went back to sleep. She must have rolled off. She wan't hurt thank God. I decided that I would get more sleep for a while after that.
    I hope your mind returns. Mine comes and goes. ADD does not help. Lists! I make lists on my smart phone so I can't lose them.

  8. I believe it's called 'mommy amnesia'. I'll say something like "go get me that thing with prong thingies on it that we use to comb our hair" because I can't find the word 'brush'.

  9. Oh I've enjoyed your mommy-brain stories, gals! I've got 3 under 5 yrs and yes, it is true, I often go for more than 3 days at a time without showering. I've learned lots from "southern fried momma" (that's my twin sister's blog). She's got 7 kids. Folks always ask me if I'm headed to catch up with her. I always respond "Nope, I'm finished". There's a reason for that. I'd like to keep track of all my children. If I had 7 at one time I'd probably be down to 3 anyway, what with leaving them at the grocery store, library, bus stop.... :)

  10. Heh. I'm 62, my five sons range from 25 to 35 years, and I'm still like that. I've driven to the mall without my purse (which contains my wallet, which contains my driver's license, Oops!), forgotten to turn on the timer when baking cookies (charcoal, anyone??), and a myriad of other things throughout the years. I find making a list helps, if I can remember where I put the list!



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